Things My Mother Taught Me!

I got this list in an email; and I laughed the whole way through reading it. I hope you get a good chuckle from it too!

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC -

"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mother taught me more LOGIC -

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONIST -

"Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

My mother taught me about STAMINA -

"You'll sit there 'till all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about WEATHER -

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -

"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION -

"Just wait until we get home."

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING -

"You are going to get it when we get home!"

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE -

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD -

"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My Mother taught me ESP -

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

My mother taught me HUMOR -

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT -

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

My Mother taught me about GENETICS -

"You're just like your father."

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS -

"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE -

"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

And my all time favorite... JUSTICE -

"One day you'll have kids ... and I hope they turn out just like you!"